Why Rejection Should Be Your New BFF

Who likes to be rejected?

Haven’t met one soul who does. Over the winter I had a rejection experience more than once. I use my tools and my tears to undue the feeling, but why deny the gift that it is?  

On her blog, Noelle Bailey put it this way in a nutshell, and I’m so glad she did:

“Rejection is by far one of the worst feelings out there. You apply for your dream job, do your research, network with current employees, and nail the interview. But when you go to open your email, instead of a congratulations email you receive a “we regret to inform you…” message. Cue the rain clouds, gut wrenching, and Mary J. Blige.

“So now, you do your best to increase your positive vibrations to attract positive vibrations. You learn from your mistakes and prep harder this time by having 20 sets of eyes on your resume before you send it out. You enter the protection stage.

“Following rejection, we tend to attempt to cover ourselves from getting hurt again. You take it slow in your next relationship and tell yourself you’ll wait approximately 20 minutes before responding to texts so you don’t come off as liking the new guy too much (but…isn’t that the point of dating- to come off like you like them?) I digress.

“Since it’s human nature to survive, it makes sense that we would react this way after something negatively impacts us. But what happens when our own attempts to save ourselves don’t work?

“Then we’re left with discouragement. Leading us to take a step back from dating or job hunting or dream chasing. We play it safe. We fall into this self-inflicted despair because we decide that maybe we’re wrong about our destiny and perhaps its not in our plans to be great. Maybe we are actually meant to be mediocre.

“I’m with you my soul searching sistas (and brothas) when it comes to the ole rejection saga. But we’re going to get through it together, because we have more power and control than we give ourselves credit for. You may be familiar with the term “destiny.”

“When we were kids, we thought it was our destiny to be great. No kid ever wakes up thinking he’s going to be an unsuccessful paper pusher, working at a mundane job, who may or may not snap one day, leaving him on the street begging for a mere cup of coffee.

Children haven’t felt the discouragement that has conditioned us to lower our expectations of our own dreams.

“However, let’s look at this destiny thing a little differently. What type of world would we live in if all of our lives we dreamed of becoming this awesomely important senator or journalist or pianist and it never happened? I refuse to believe that the Powers Above would allow us to go through life truly desiring to be great and letting us fall short so they can look down on us and have a nice laugh, pointing at us saying ‘this guy.’

“We just make it easier when we say ‘you know what, I just got rejected from an INTERNSHIP on Capital Hill, I can’t be a Senator if I just got rejected to be an intern.’ In this case, we probably do give folks up there a good laugh.

“Failure and rejection teach us to learn, improve, and grow. Without these things, who’s to say we can survive at the top when we arrive? With all that being said, the next time the man you fell in love with starts sending you to voicemail get excited because something better is coming.

“Same goes for the job that you’ve been prepping for the last few weeks. Only positivity will come from being well prepared regardless of the outcome.

“In one circumstance, you may not get the job, but now you have some additional knowledge and you’ll be ready for your next interview for the job that was meant for you. In the other circumstance, you get the job. It’s a win, win! So, congratulations on your rejections and cheers to your coming success.”

Image credit: Giphy.comyayrejection

–Rev. Niamo Nancy Muid