How I came to know my authentic self, deep inside (2013)

My “authentic self” has eluded me for most of my life. I feel very vulnerable and like I am baring my soul, because my chosen Way of Life is helping people, through holistic health, to be true to their authentic selves. So how can I be out of touch with mine?

To really look closely at this I also have to admit that I am not doing the best job I could of helping people. I feel as if I fall short. This is because of a habit I should maybe be ashamed of — feeling comfortable in mediocrity.

Perhaps this is too harsh and unappreciative. Yes, and it could be true too. I cannot gloss over the comfort I feel in doing everything in the moment, to the exclusion of planning, organizing, thinking things through, and the like.

I love the freedom of being able to do anything I want to do at a moment’s notice. Going out for dinner or a movie, closing my store early if I feel like it, taking a singing class, snuggling, getting up late or meditating at dawn.

Nothing fancy, mostly tame stuff. Comfy stuff that “wouldn’t hurt anybody.” Stuff that sometimes keeps me from being and doing what Spirit says. Stuff that shows I don’t listen to my inner self; therefore my results are not what they could be….

What do my triggers reveal that provide me access to alignment with my authentic self? Am I aligned with my authentic self and with my vision? These questions will possibly take a lifetime for me to answer. Ever since they were revealed at the Annual Summit Event in 2013, I have been thinking about what is and is not authentic about who I be, and what these thoughts reveal about alignment with my vision.

One result is more clarity around my vision. Joy in the homes; people dancing in the streets: Prosperity means good health and happiness.

The stank-butt, naked truth is there is unhappiness for me now, and I am triggered by it. I am being shaken to my core about beliefs I have held for over 40 years, though I know it is all for my growth and expansion.

Some days I am joyous because I see the light on everything so clearly. Other days I am saddened because I feel burdened. It seems I have to change too much in order to grow. So I cry deep inside as I let go of that which isn’t for me anymore. This process goes on day in and day out, week in and week out. Emotion in, emotion out.

I look forward to when I will be able to look back and laugh at this period in my life. I know this will happen and don’t dwell on it, because it simply is a wish and Not Now. (But it IS an authentic intention!)

Inside of me, deep down, I am honored to be aware of the process and stick with it. Even as my comfort zone has become uncomfortable, I know my life is a message of good news. For this I am thankful and grateful.

And as I accept, grow through and rise above any pain I may be experiencing, I know it is temporary, and I know I can continue to help others with the gifts I do have. I know I am aligned with the Creator of heavens and earths, and whether or not I am present to it in every moment, I AM. I can still choose to serve, and I do.

With appreciation for your reading this,

Rev. Niamo Nancy Muid-Davis

P.S.
During this period I have done a lot of energy work, including Reiki, maahaah-rooh yoga, and chakra balancing.
Essential oils I’ve used are: bergamot, German chamomile, cistus, cypress, frankincense, juniper, lavender, lemon, lemongrass, lime, marjoram, myrrh, patchouli, ylang ylang

P.P.S.
I’m updating this is 2015 and I am happy to report “I embrace ALL aspects of myself,” which happens to be the Summit’s 2015-2016 declaration. Recall the purpose of the International Black Summit: To provide an opportunity for participants to bring into being their vision for the black community and the world. I am aligned, and I bow down.