Uses of A Curse: A woman was having a hard time and shared every thorn and dagger of it on a Facebook Live the other day. As she sat harrumphing in her car, every other word was MF, every other sentence was punctuated by eye and neck rolling, and every other adjustment of her camera did nothing to reduce the thicket of her clearing.

Speaking of clearing, she began by untangling and smoothing the feathers of a Native American dream catcher to hang in front of her. It seemed kind of big to hang from the rearview mirror but she positioned it just so, and  the feathers framed the horizontal line above her head.

She was not deterred or softened by the feathers.

I told her to Take a breath at first, then realized this was not a “calm down” conversation. I’m listening, I added next, and similar comments. Only one other person was attending this Live, and she/he was mute. Finally I realized she had to tell her story: Say what happened, I chatted. Little by little it eked out that her fiancé said or did something very stupid in reaction to something she said or did, and she wasn’t having it. No details provided.

Don’t Keep It In, Curse Him Out

It was deep enough for her to say, however, that she didn’t feel she should stay on this earth if MFs going to be that ignorant. I thought of the Mental Health First Aid training I took in the Bronx NY in March, and wished I could say something to help. I knew wanted her to keep talking.

After 30 minutes of ranting of how MF ignorant, crazy, stupid, downright, undeserving of life people are (not him), she let it slip she didn’t know why she was his fiancé anyway. Then she went back to the rant. Let it out, I wrote, and sent up some angry smileys to match her indignation.

It began to work — my support that is — because she began to cry. She knew I was listening and responding. My purpose for staying on this Live was to hear where she was going and see if I could support her if she had a request. She never asked for support or referrals or prayers.

I thought, Don’t keep it in — it’s better to just curse him out.

Not To His Face Though

She never did curse him out directly while I was listening. I took a call and had to lower her volume. When I return much later she was still doing the Facebook Live. I moved on to answering messages, emails and multitasking.

What I noticed was her inability to give him a piece of her mind directly. Maybe she did after I stopped listening and I have it wrong, but the amount of venom and its forcefulness had me thinking he must have left before she could react.

Since she couldn’t curse him out directly, she was cursing the world in his stead (kept talking about people when she really meant him). She also was cursing herself, indirectly.

Oh my sister Queenly Divine (she had a similar name but shall be anonymous), I truly feel your pain. It can get so bad when you compress yourself and fold into yourself when dealing with a man you love, because you don’t understand the wherefore (WTF) of his speech or deed.

Bessie Smith with her feathers designed to soften her blues and blows through music.

Been There, Done That, and Sometimes Curse

What gems of clarity the past gives, because it is through my own past that I view her situation. I’ll admit I have chalked up misunderstanding a man to my incompetence and immaturity, and quite wrongly.  I thought a man’s actions were not to be questioned, but only my reactions to them were questionable.

Shame on me for not cursing out the world when I was wronged, instead of sucking it in, taking it on the chin, manning up — even though I’m a woman!

No, I am appreciating as I write why I had to stay and listen to the sister unleash demons and avenging angels, and vomit her life’s poisoned lemonade. This was her antidote. Curse the world for creating the circumstance, curse him the best she could, and curse herself for enduring it all.

She was a victim for the moment and I pray she processed it thoroughly.

When I returned online and saw the FB Live was still going on, I sent the link to Queen Sekou Ayo’s breathshop. This is an ongoing, free webinar that calms and de-stresses. Breathing is a valuable resource and Sekou Ayo is my breathing teacher. (I also now teach breathing as part of Reiki.)

It was divine concide-dance that I came across the free breathshop today. Remember the dream catcher and its feathers? They filtered a clear answer to my sister’s unspoken prayer.

Crying out; lashing out, these are prayers. I’m intending energetic high frequency releasing to all my Queenly Divine sisters who may bump up against a wall of challenge. Curse ’em out!

–Rev. Niamo Nancy